"I’ve been learning bagpipes for 23 years. Now guess how old I am."
“Nope! I’m 22. Both my parents played.”
Strength is being able to crush a tomato.
Dexterity is being able to dodge a tomato.
Constitution is being able to eat a bad tomato.
Intelligence is knowing a tomato is a fruit.
Wisdom is knowing not to put a tomato in a fruit salad.
Charisma is being able to sell a tomato based fruit salad.
Tom Sachs is such a great guy.
- accept that no pun is actually Good, but that the true nature of a good pun is to be so terrible that it becomes good.
- say every pun that occurs to you. i’m so serious about this, sometimes the most well received puns will be ones you considered not saying.
- ALWAYS laugh at your own puns, even if nobody else is. (especially if nobody else is.)
- know that you are hilarious. puns are a limitless resource and you have taken it as your duty to bring this gift to humanity. you are a hero.
I can't afford to pay my employees a living wage.
Lazy! If you can't afford one of the basic expenses of running a business, you shouldn't be running a business. Go back to school and learn how to run a business! Get a better business model! Why should you expect the rest of us to prop up your failure by feeding and clothing the employees YOU can't pay for with our tax money?
i wish i had a super tight-knit group of friends that i fought crime with
i wish i had a super tight-knit group of friends that i committed crimes with
i wish i had a super tight group of criminals that i knitted with
I wish I had a super tight-knit group of friends.