Stupid How I Met Your Mother episode… It was all about Marshal’s dad’s last words, and everyone was remembering their dads last words and then called their dads at the end of the episode :(
My dad’s last words: “Alright see you next weekend” I don’t remember if there was an exchange of “I love you”s or not. I had just become a band manager/pit transport guy in the marching band because my girlfriend at the time was in the color guard. There was a game the friday I was supposed to go to his house, I could had asked him to pick me up later that night or on saturday, but I asked to switch weekends because I thought it would be easier on him to not make the drive so late or pick me up on saturday and take me back sunday… he died that following wednesday
I had an interview with a company that I’d really like to work for. I did good in that interview and they are now flying me to Texas for yet another interview.
I told the important folks: my mom, friend who has been helping me out along the way, and an old best friend.
Just now I had the thought “Oh I haven’t told dad yet”. I then picked up my phone and went to my contacts to call him. I got to the D’s. Then it hit me.
I am fairly calloused to death or the idea of impending death. When my dad died, it affected me, but not in the way I thought it should had. Of course I was sad, but just not as sad as most people would be.
Today, my grandmother is having/had some kind of heart surgery and apparently it isn’t going very well. My step-dad called me to tell me that it looks bad, but they really don’t know what is going to happen. All I could think is “That sucks, I hope it doesn’t end badly”
I guess I just don’t know how to feel about death, I mainly just see it as a part of life that sucks.
Maybe.. hopefully.. this view will change later in my life. My dad he was really important to me, I was never really close to my grandmother, but maybe when it’s someone I love/d romantically or close friends it will be different.
the biggest distraction from life of all
This is mildly funny, and slightly sad. I think I’m starting to believe in god. Not because I found faith or the church or anything like that. But my life is getting so fucked up, there must be some higher power that really fucking distastes me.
Lemme give ya a run down.
My dad died at 16. A few months later the girl i just spent 2 years of my life with left me. I still had some confidence then. Found a new girl. She was magical, but somehow things fell apart, and she left me. I thought “well at least I still have a few friends and my dog.” Well being 1550 miles away makes friends forget you, and my dog died recently. Even now I’m losing a friend because of mere hearsay and things I do not remember. She was the best one I had, and shes gone.
What am I left with? An education, debt, and the most extreme loneliness I’ve ever experienced. Everything I’ve loved or cared for, is gone or leaving.
Its hard to live the peaceful life I’ve tried so hard to live when important people are falling out of my life like leaves off a tree.